An Old Post That I Dared Not to Publish....

Some time ago, I wrote quite a few posts & never actually posted them here. I suppose there is a myriad of reasons I didn't. The foremost is that I battle depression. I have always looked at this problem as some sort of shameful, weak, element of who I am. I have been and am embarrassed by it. Yet, I feel somewhat safe here among the schooling masses and I recently, in the last year or so, made a concerted effort to deal with shame constructively. At any rate, this depression peaked so horribly for me that last summer I came apart. My personal life unraveled, indeed I was awash in a sea of betrayal and lies and my soul ended - bought and sold for a pittance. I was so very alone. And that part of me that always was, that background noise that I had learned to live with, that hum of machinery that we grow used to, could no longer be ignored. Waking to the icy inhale of a frozen February morning, I imploded in a way and had to rebuild who I thought I was and who I want to be. I am barely learning to understand myself & am barely learning, as a man in his mid- 30's, how to deal with life in a healthy manner. As I have somewhat alluded in my last post the reason why I write is changing as well. I admit freely that this blog (and almost any blog) exists to stroke the ego of the author. However, There have been unintended consequences & I have found writing to be surprisingly therapeutic......