Dear Damsel in Distress,
I miss you. Where have you gone? It seems that in every movie that you have been in lately, my gender can no longer rescue you. Also, where did you learn Kung Fu?
Why the spinning round house? Why the ‘tude? Why the anger? Why the masculine muscley muscles? Was it V.I.P? That utter tripe. Was it Barb Wire? Was it the disproportionate fighting chicks in Street Fighter and its ilk? Was it Seven of Nine?
I don’t know when you changed. It wasn't that long ago. I miss the girl next door: vulnerable, non-butt kicking character you once were. I wish you would put a little meat on the bones, and unlearn the kung-fu. I wish your body was normal and you were fine with it. I wish your lips and chin weren’t pumped full of goo. I wish you were sweet: instead of the harsh war-scarred attitude you’ve had of late. I wish you didn’t look like a Bratz doll and I wish my daughter didn’t think that you were pretty. You’re not.
You have covered up your vulnerability and replaced sweetness with testosterone. A strong woman is not necessarily the one with the capability to pull off a flying roundhouse.
I miss you.
G-man
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"The road goes ever on and on." Tolkien
6 comments:
rant on good G...rant on.
If i weren't a fan of Alias, I would be in total agreement. However, that show, it seems, ushered in the modern day heroine making the after-market shows mere bastardizations that lack the vulnerability that encapsulated that character's vicious, albeit shorn, roundhouse. But, as said elsewhere by a wise man(about a man), Justice wears a pony-tail.
A deep fried gold chunk of a post.
im thinking that only closeted, light in the loafers, weak-kneed,rump rangered, panty waisted, sunken chested, limp wristed, noodle armed, pec implanted, pencil necked, four eyed mouth breathers that live in their grandmas basement would love those "XENA" types with silicone everythings. sounds like most of them hollywood producer types, they seem to be the only ones with maternal instincts.
now that is a rant!
pop
The open-letter format is a classic.
Darren, does your love of Alias make you any of the things that Grampa Fuzzy has so aptly described? Or is it okay to love one?
Things described by Grandpa Fuzzy that will forever appropriately describe me (for liking Alias and other reasons):
weak-kneed
noodle armed
light in the loafers
mouth breather
Things described by Grandpa Fuzzy that closely resemble me:
pec implanted
Things described by Grandpa Fuzzy that used to aptly describe me:
four-eyed
pencil necked
Things described by Grandpa Fuzzy that would have described me if I would have said yes to that creepy guy in the mall:
rump rangered
Joe, it probably isn't okay to love one, but I do.
Great post. Opine often, Voodoo...it cleanses the soul.
Sorry for not commenting on the comments: I was ill and so was my computer.
I love the mouth breather comment Pop, it has been one of my favorite ways you describe some folks.
D & C (get it hahahaha....so lame): Yes I suppose there is some room for the kung-fu master, butt kicking, for-some-reason-she’s-a-street-fighter lady. There is just too many of them. I must confess something here: I think that the Mrs. Incredible is sooooooo hot. I can’t help it! She’s all stretchy and there is something about Holly Hunter’s voice and accent.
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